I started out this week with anger in my heart. My daughter and I kept going back and forth - testing, frustration, impatience, anger, which led to yelling. I actually prayed this at one point, "Father, I feel like I'm slipping again, I feel pain in my heart. I'm not sure what it is, what's causing it, but I ask that you take it from me. I repent my iniquities, those of my daughters, and I give all of my day - the good and the bad to You." My heart literally hurt, because I don't want to go into verbal rows with my child, but I realized that I am definitely a "talker". Over-speaking can lead to fools language - hurtful, cruel, unkind. I am only strong in Christ, because He loves my children and I so - and only He can remove all hardness from my heart which expels unnecessary words at times.
The thing is - we as Mamas have days that are not great. We have valleys that make us sad, anger, grieved, discouraged, pained, where praising God and seeking His goodness is so needed. Proverbs 31 put it completely eloquently: "Everyday motherhood requires an urgency to know God more " (September Mccarthy). Being a Mommy can be incredibly difficult sometimes, but I am seeing even more clearly that it can be fluid if we trust in God and His guidance. When we try to control, when we try to force, when we try to come up with a plan it may work as a temporary fix, but often does not stick. I am learning that I have be the best representation that I can be for my children - but I have to choose to trust in God's plan. If I choose to be angry, yell, throw things that gives them the idea that that is acceptable behavior. If I seek God first, if I give it all to Him, if I take the time to be in prayer, I'm better equipped with the tools of overflow to pour love onto my kids versus anger. Then I lean on consistent, firm, but loving discipline.
Regardless of whether we have valleys, the hills are not far behind and are equally deserving of God's praise. He is the "good gift giver" (Josiah Cullen). He loves us with an unending love, only asking that we love He and our neighbor's deeply in return. Our neighbors are our children - sometimes I forget that, it's easy when your day consists of a lot of crying kiddos. I think, however, that we as parents sometimes forget that our children hold pain in their hearts as well, even if they are littles. I know I forget sometimes that they are really just little adults. But, they are still developing so it is vitally important to teach them the power of releasing things to God, showing them through your actions, your prayer. That part I am still learning! But through it all I know that I did not get to where I am by myself. I know that Jesus has always, always been with me. I know that even in my lowest places He was there, though I may not have seen it then. I know that my motherhood journey - all of it - has been led by Him, but my choices have interfered at times with His plan for me.
Mamas you rock, you are never alone. Even when it hurts push through, thank God for your greatest little gifts even when they make you so, so frustrated. Give all of it to Him, and seek His strength - persevere. A hill is just around the corner....I love the song below, because it's truly been on my heart often for the last few months, as I reflect on the present, the past, and the future. It all belongs to Him. Praise You Father God for Your incredible enduring love for us - particularly Mama's raising beautiful babies.
I have been, for the better part of my life, overly hard on myself. When I am doing something, I feel as though I have to be exceptionally good at it. When I'm not I get upset, down, discouraged, angry. Lately, the two things that have been on my mind is 1) my relationship with Christ and 2) my parenting abilities.
Let's start with number 1...When I first fully came to Christ my world had been completely rocked (in a good way). I saw His grace and felt His immense love. I had so many experiences that softened my once angry heart (dreams, prayer conversations, visions, etc). It all came to a screeching halt though and I began to doubt, then I began to get discouraged with myself. I felt that old pang of being less than great, a failure, a bad person. Which rolled into parenting...
I began to see changes in my parenting - I became more fatigued, less motivated, began to holler more, and began primarily focusing on the not so great behaviors of my little ones.
"He does not love me because of the "good works", body image, personality, parenting ability, etc that I am doing or have, but because I seek Him, I seek to be cleansed, to have a relationship with God."
But this is how God works - He sends messages to us through any outlet that He is able to. He has sent me numerous messages regarding His immense love and value for all of us, that He does not love me because of the "good works", body image, personality, parenting ability, etc that I am doing or have, but because I seek Him, I seek to be cleansed, to have a relationship with God our Father in Heaven. He doesn't say that He won't accept or forgive us if we're broken. He says, I LOVE you deeply - brokenness and all.
You see, in many ways our brokenness gives us strength. It creates in us a desire to return to Him, and to turn away from being broken. It causes us to re-examine our lives, to allow Christ to wrap His arms around us. Do you ever feel unloved, unappreciated, angry? On that token, do you ever ask God to cleanse you, to forgive you, to love you, that you need Him? Try it, I know I pray that often and it is absolutely breathtaking. He provides, He always has, and He always will.
I am certainly young in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, but I do know this: I seek Him, I know that I love Him, I know that through it all, through all of the Hills and Valleys, He is carrying (and has carried) me. One of the last images that I saw in prayer of Christ was very similar to Peter's experience with Jesus at sea. Jesus was walking on water and Peter began to walk out to Him, but looked down because of doubt. Similarly, Jesus and I were in a storm only He was not being harmed. The storm surrounded us, but also did not harm us . He kept saying, "Trust in Me."
Trust in Him. He will carry you, He will be there - you just have to believe in your heart.
"Jesus said unto him, Thomas, because you have seen me, you have believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed." John 20:29
"You just have to believe in your heart."
The following quote speaks true to the primary message of this post - without Christ we are weak, from whom we received our strength: "I am not enough, but because of You (God) I am completely able. "
Often, we see humility as having less - simplicity. It is indeed that, but the word also encompasses something that is less visible - leaving judgement for God alone, and repenting when our iniquities surface.
When I first came to Christ fully, I saw everyone with such love. Literally everyone. I still do mostly, but I've noticed that I've begun to allow judgement to creep in, I've started concerning myself with other's behavior rather than focusing on my own heart and those items for which I need to seek God. I know, and have known, that I am a completely imperfect person, but I've allowed myself to get discouraged or disappointed. I've forgotten to not only seek forgiveness, but to also GIVE forgiveness when pain is caused.
Interestingly enough, the Meriem Webster Dictionary says that humility means: "a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness."
To me humility is not viewing oneself as unimportant, but viewing oneself as equally loved by God as one's neighbor. What I mean is my neighbor is loved by God in the same amount as I - massively. That realization made me realize that that love is why we are encouraged to serve others with our whole heart, to love them deeply.
Recently I posted an image (see below) about allowing the fears of the world to cloud my mind. If we choose to cloud our minds with fear of what others are doing, fear of speaking truth, fear of loving deeply, then we are not truly loving our Heavenly Father or our neighbor.
Just because we have a relationship with Christ DOES not mean that we are loved more. We are loved and valued massively in equal measure, whether we accept it or not is our choice. Therefore we cannot look at another and think that what we do, think, or say makes us different, because it doesn't. What it does is allows us to feel that love, that value, it allows us to desire that immense happiness to be felt by others.
I wish that for everyone. I pray that you not only see how loved and valued you are, but how loved and valued we all our in our Creator's eyes. I pray that the realization that fear is not of God impresses upon your heart (yes there is awe which is noted as the fear of God, but that's good fear).
Humility = LOVE =HAPPINESS = LIGHT = THE WAY = CHRIST
There are so many things in the world today that tell us to do things for our sake, to focus on self only, to build our lives for us, that marriage never turns out good, that marriage should be easy. I can say from experience, that one-sided relationships or those in which you are only focused on self will generally always struggle. HOWEVER, loving oneself is a massively essential part of a successful relationship. You have to love God AND love your neighbor - which includes you! It's a different kind of focus on self - not "selfish" just pure love. Fill your heart with the Word and get rid of your "stuff" through forgiveness, and you will totally overflow LOVE onto your family.
I can honestly say that God gave me a beautiful gift when he placed my husband in front of me. He has an incredibly gentle heart, he is authoritative but kind, he loves deeply and gives his all 100% in anything that he does. I know that sounds perfect, and yes I will always praise my Father for him, however marriage is a working relationship with you, your husband, and God our Father. Neither one of us is EVER perfect, we struggle but we recover. We have made it a point to work at talking about our "feelings" rather than allowing verbal vomit to take place - but we forget to do it at times and weeks go by without it. It's choice. We choose to make time for study of the word or to not, we choose to spend time on our phones or not, we choose to discuss our feelings, or not. We choose to focus on the beauty and gifts that we each bring to our relationship, or not. It's a choice to love with our entire being or half of our being. A choice to love the way Christ loves, or the way the world loves.
Growing up I had a very off perspective on submission. I got the impression that a woman had to submit to her husband in literally anything (finances, sex, decisions, etc). I also grew up saying, "I will NEVER let anyone control me." I didn't realize that when a husband and wife loved each other, by putting God first, that they develop this deep, enduring respect and love for one another. Additionally, they become repulsed when they treat the other poorly (immediately seeking forgiveness).
Love him/her deeply. See him/her without flaws as I see you.
I started out my dating relationship with my husband with the mentality that I would NOT be controlled, that I would fight. It took me being asked "why I was yelling" and more recently giving everything to Christ to realize that the enemy is the one who says "be controlling, focus on yourself not your relationship, he's/she's weak, he's/she's not as beautiful as that one, he's/she's not smart enough to make that decision, he/she is not good enough."
If we listen to what God is saying, its: "Love him/her deeply. See him/her without flaws as I see you. Confide in one another. Keep your marriage covenant sacred, as My relationship with you is sacred. Be the light in your household, be a light for the world - for your community."
My parents had the misfortune of not being able to experience that gift - to see it in that perspective, however I know that God's timing is everything and that people do indeed get second chances because of forgiveness. Though my mother is no longer here, I know that God is working on my Dad's heart. I see it clearly and it's beautiful. I used to have such a negative perspective on my parents relationship, but I realize that I have gained so much from both of them - life lessons through them, but from God.
We ALL have a choice to seek the world, or to seek Christ and to love our neighbor. It's truly and beautifully that simple.
Love to you and your spouse,
This was the song I chose for what would have been my Mom's dance with my brother, but it is so applicable to any relationship that you have in your life here on earth. LOVE=CHRIST
Recently, I started focusing on negativity again...with questions like...Why are my kids behaving like this? How come my husband doesn't always seek my opinion? Why can't we have the same level of spiritual wisdom? Why can't I be consistent? Are my prayers enough? Will I ever be forgiven for those memorial tattoos? And how am I going to explain that to my children? Is my religion good or bad? ...rolling through my head. Over and over again - that thinking caused negative overflow to land on to my children and my husband, creating an environment in our house that was less than desirable. What was really happening was a choice to allow darkness, doubt, resentment - in reality: pride to seep into my being.
The thing that I have neglected to realize is that my relationship with Christ (all of ours really) needed constant renewal, daily. It needed to be nourished, learned, loved - in order for me to continue that ever strong emotional connection with God. I knew that by refocusing on that relationship I would not only continue my growth in biblical knowledge and wisdom, but my relationship with Christ would grow stronger.
I made three decisions to steer my spirit, heart, and mind back:
1) I chose to tune into a program called the Day of Love, done by Kellie Frazier. It was beautifully done and literally dripping with genuine love of one's neighbor. We discussed generational sin and relationship mistakes, which led into how that can be turned around. All of this message focused completely around the bible and God's Word for us.
2) I chose to look at positive videos of my "religion" (its important to note that faith is very, very different from religion). I happen to come across two people who, through YouTube videos, have answered several of my questions for God (some were indeed doubts) regarding the Catholic Church and its practices. The first is Emily Wilson, she is a speaker, blogger, and avid successful YouTuber that talks about anything from guys to pro-life topics. The second is Father Mike Schmitz - he is hilarious and just awesome. He has too many topics to list, so just check him out - well worth it.
3) I chose to stop doubting myself, to stop fearing, and to stop doubting my Church community. All of those doubts of whether I am a good parent, a good wife, good at communicating with God, being too pushy with my husband about faith, my consistency with things, whether I'll be forgiven, were doubts that the enemy was trying to make me feel.
It was that attempt to say, "your not worth it, your not loved that much", but I didn't give in. Too many times in my past I gave in. I let pain tear me apart, grief debilitate me, insecurities consume me - but I can't now because I know that I am loved. I know that Christ's love and value for me (for us) is beyond measure.
I chose to stop fearing running because of post pregnancy issues and remedied the situation. Not because I felt like I was out of shape or unhealthy, but because I honestly love to run. It is at times, quiet time for prayer and renewal. Fear is a stem of pride too, and God doesn't want that for us.
Okay, so the Church. When my faith journey really took hold this year (I've been a "Catholic Christian" for my whole life, but never really felt truly Christ-ian until this year), I felt immediately doubtful of my religion - anything from what people say about Catholics "worshiping saints" and Christ being displayed on the cross, to our repetitive worship.
First of all, one of the most profound things that I listened to was the discussion on how those "statues" are representations of the individuals who had (in one of the words of my Youth Group kids) been engrossed in their faith. It's not that they are worshiped, yes we ask the saints to pray for us to God. However, I personally still believe that the only intercessor that we have is Christ. It's not that I don't see the validity in asking the saints to pray for us, but I think that our communication to Christ is far more important. As far as Christ being displayed on the cross - I've always felt that, although it is indeed conflicting with the old testament, it is the symbol of the greatest love ever shown. How many of us can say that we would die for one person, let alone the whole world so that their transgressions (their sins) can be forgiven? All that I can say about the repetition is that regardless of where you go - there is a form of repetition - if you want something to change propose it to your priest/pastor and see what happens!
Long story short - Christ is our light, our love, our truth, and our life. He pushes out the darkness and shields us - if we choose to turn to Him. God the Father loves us so, so deeply. He wants us to remain holy, without sin, but when we fail He graces us with forgiveness if we seek it. So are we enough? Yes. Are my children reacting to my internal tribulations? Yes. Will my husband ever being on the same spiritual relationship level as me? Maybe, maybe not - that is truly up to God.
When I first wrote this I had "I have" throughout and it certainly felt off, that was because I don't have to do anything - I've chosen it (Thanks for the reminder AK). Indeed, I have chosen to hold fast with my trust in Him. I have chosen to believe in His wisdom, and allow it to permeate my entire being. I have chosen to earnestly love Him, while loving my neighbor (which includes me) just as significantly. I have chosen to renew daily my mindset, to get quiet and close to God, to "fill up my cup" so that my overflow can be provided to those around me. I have chosen to righteously fear God, by working at living righteously, by loving others, by loving Him, by gaining wisdom and speaking kindness, but most importantly by being His.
Don't give in to doubt, because you are so, so, so loved. Don't ever feel that aren't worthy, you are so, so, so loved.
A few months ago, I had a dream. It was a very intense dream that simultaneously terrified yet calmed me. I did not feel that it was something that I was supposed to share with the general public - until today. I am going to type exactly what I have written in my journal. I will preface by stating that I have a journal which I write in now and then, but this particular night I awoke between 3:30 and 4:00 feeling an urge to transcribe everything that I had been shown. While watching a video this evening about Our Messiah (see below), I felt the strong encouragement to write this post. My message in my dream was exactly what is depicted in the video. Jesus is seeking us, we are His sheep. Yes - there is evil in the world that will remain until He comes again, however Christ is capable of transmitting His love to us, of beating the snake within us specifically. Until that day when He returns, He will individually conquer, cleansing our hearts, minds, and souls - showing us the Way, the Truth, and the Life through Him.
Here is what I was told via my dream: (exactly as it was written in my journal)
I had a dream last night. In it, Jesus and I were on a bus. We got off and went to a house. The entire time we were conversing about trust. There were three men that followed us. At first I didn't pay attention, and then when we arrived at the home we were confronted by them. I quickly learned that the slender red-headed one was the enemy, and the others were his. Jesus said to them, "Go, you are not welcome here." and the red-head walked over to one of them (hocking loogies) patted him on the back and they left. They left their hats on the mailbox while leaving. I asked Jesus once inside why they did this and He said, because the enemy will always be around you, but just trust in Me and he won't be able to touch you. Always trust in Me. Do not be afraid." We left again and were traveling. Jesus asked me to look towards the Heavens (I believe or maybe I just did), and there was an unexplainably beautiful cross that kept appearing in the sky - getting brighter and brighter. Jesus said to me, "Trust in Me. I love you." At one point in the dream when Jesus had entered the house, I was walking in and walked right past the enemy (before they left). I just kept looking at Jesus who had his arms outstretched. I just remember having my arms out walking in and He hugged me. That is when he said the words about not fearing and trusting in Him.
One of the things that I recall discussing with a close family member, was what Jesus looked like. I stated that I clearly saw a white robe with the red sash. If I were to give an image of his skin color it would be similar to the Akiane Kramarik painting Sixteen Lives in the Wind (See video below), but in actuality the exact likeness of His face I did not write down. Regardless of what He may have looked like in my dream, what He gave to me was a message of complete peace in knowing that we all are so loved and valued, even those who are lost.
He yearns for us. All we have to do is trust in Him, repent (seek forgiveness) with our whole heart every day, and forgive others (give forgiveness) for what they have caused us to feel. Give it all to Him. All of it. If we focus on righteousness, we live in righteousness.
One could also say, "The one way to peace is the power of the cross, His banner over me is Love." :D
I love each of you.
Awhile ago, I decided to watch The Little Prince with my youngest while my oldest napped. It brought back a flood of memories from reading the French version of Le Petit Prince in high school. In those pondering moments, I wished that I had seen the massive beauty that is displayed within the text all those years ago, but that is neither here nor there - today.
Have you read the book? If you don't have the time, dedicate two hours to watching the Netflix Original movie - it is simply beautiful.
What hit me really hard whilst watching the moving was when The Businessman asks Mr. Prince, "When are you going to forget about being a child?". It felt like a sucker punch in my stomach. Why forget? Why is it so important that we stop seeing things as though they are beautiful, loving, adventurous, and full of life? Jesus, Himself, said "Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." (Matthew 18:3)
The story itself is indeed a beautiful reminder of how we as adults begin to forget the beautiful world around us. We focus on our stresses - money, work, routine, rules, our phones, what to buy next, etc - and forget about our faith, using our imagination, seeing the beauty within ourselves, and focusing on what really matters in life rather than worldly things.
Our lives on this earth are brief, but our love for all things continues past our earthly dwelling. As we grow, we forget about those most important things - joy, imagination, and deep love for others. It is easy as adults to get sucked into negativity because of loss of any sort, to get sucked into "the world's problems". We forget that love transcends time, that God's love transcends time.
Children are such special beings - not only because they are our future in physical form, but because we have the capability of nurturing them, through our Heavenly Father, to become the incredibly special, creative, loving, beautiful little people that they are destined to be.
When my children were both still in-utero, I drew pictures of Le Petite Prince, one of the Little Prince and his Rose, and the other with The Fox. It is interesting because I chose two different quotes from the book (from different sections), but they have the same meaning - everything that is actually essential in this life is not visible. Faith.
If you have not read or watched The Little Prince, I highly recommend it as a family read or movie night option. Also - take a moment (for yourself) to be a kid. Seriously - lay in the sand, jump in puddles, make a massive mess, smell or pick flowers, build a fort outdoors or indoors, swing, whatever you feel at the moment - just do it. Trust me - it's the best feeling in the world.
Lots of love,
The other night I met for the very first time (to sing) with some fantastic kids who have decided to take the first step in developing a youth choir in our parish. I had stopped in a few times before to their religious education classes to discuss the notion, and see what music style they were most interested in singing. Most were pretty interested in Greater and Flawless by Mercy Me which are fabulous songs - and will happen. I went home after those initial meetings and prayed, thought, and prayed some more. I wanted God's input on the most appropriate song for this young group of kids willing to serve. The song that kept coming into my head was the First Cover by Rachel Nimeroff (song by Lauren Daigle). I fought with that for awhile - saying "no that's not what they wanted", but it kept coming back into my head. So...I went with it.
My main question through all of this was - Why? As I sat with the kids going over the first few versus of their first youth choir song "First", it clicked - this is totally for them. At the end of our hour long session I briefly stated that the reason that this song was picked was because (yes) it was slower than Greater, a little easier to pickup in such a short amount of time, etc, but it was also perfect for them in beginning their journey in this group. I stated we are all given the choice to seek God. Then continued that the world surrounds us with so much stuff, but He is always there calling us to seek Him and seek love - First. Had I felt that they were ready for it I would have gone on to say that this song is representative of their relationship with Christ - seeking Him first above all things will bring about a confidence like they've never known (they will feel valued beyond compare), a love like they've never know which will transpire through them (and realistically already is), and will bring about a release "system" unlike any other. A "release system" of pure repentance seeking pure forgiveness. In time that conversation will happen I am sure of it.
What I found amazing was the eagerness, the willingness, and the transformation of these kids while they sang the lyrics. So awesome. So powerful. Our children are not only our worldly future, but they are especially the future Church. We are the Church, but they more importantly are, as they are our legacy.
I encourage anyone to get involved with their church's youth ministry, and if they don't have one - make one. We are the change we wish to see...there is so, so much truth in that statement, and always will be. We are the lamps on the lamp stand, not underneath the basket - we're burning brightly for all of the world to see.
What is "the Way"?
"Trust in Me, follow my truth. I am the Way. Do not be afraid Ashley." Over the last few weeks, I have heard (or seen) this message several times. In prayer, listening to music, and even in dream-state while sleeping.
I know in my heart that Jesus is leading me closer to Him, and I continue to pray for that growth. There is darkness in the world, yes, but our loving Father and his beautiful Son have given us an unending, forever enduring love greater than that which anyone has ever known.
As a child, I knew that God was love, but I did not know the extent of His love for us. I knew that He gave his son Jesus, but the magnitude of that only recently hit me. Yes - the entire process of watching such a beautiful, loving man abused and put to death in that manner greatly saddened me, but I did not see the full picture. God literally gave Jesus' life as a sacrifice for us. He wanted us to see the completeness of his love - the real, the unwavering, the enduring, the awesomely powerful love - even though that meant watching his only Son die an excruciating death.
However, they knew that this great love would rise from the swallows of death to the Heavens and become such an awesomely powerful advocate for us. This would officially make us his adopted ones, his children, for Christ died so that we could repent and be relieved of sin. He died and rose from the dead so that we could know our Father and be with Him.
How powerful is that? I can remember the pain that my mother went through when my brother left this world, but whether she knew it or not - he had Jesus with him the entire time. He was welcomed Home because Jesus created that path for God's children. He is our greatest advocate. He calls us to repent our sins (releasing them to God and receiving forgiveness), so that the enemy has no ground upon which to stand. For forgiveness is love. When we receive forgiveness, we forgive ourselves and receive love. When provide forgiveness, we forgive others and expend love.
What is the "Way"? All that I keep hearing/seeing in my mind is this: Love God with your whole heart, soul, spirit. Love your neighbor as yourself. Take care of the poor in spirit. ("Blessed are they the poor in spirit, theirs is the Kingdom of God.")
Have you ever wondered would it be like to long for something so pure, so loving, so peaceful?
This weekend could have been anger-rage producing, but it wasn't. I started to feel resentment towards my husband for his weekend away, my toddlers were being crazy, and I realized last night that after bringing a bunch of things to Goodwill, I had left my luggage from the weekend on the ground. It had been on top of everything, so I set it on the side of my car, unloaded everything, and drove away forgetting that I had set it outside.
What caused me to come to this awareness was when I started to look for my small Bible that Ryan had purchased for me prior to my departure for Besancon, France (2007). The last few weeks it was basically stuck to my side, I was not able to put it down. My first thought was to call, I was certain that they realized that it was luggage. I was informed that they found the bags and was told at that time that everything was in them.
Unfortunately, there was a major miscommunication. Everything within it had been sorted almost immediately after the bags were brought in to the shop (regular travel stuff, but most personally my journal and my bible). My heart literally started to hurt and tears welled to my eyes. The only explanation that kept coming into my mind was that this was a test. In the bible, Jesus tells one man the sure way to get into Heaven is by loving God with one's whole heart, mind, and soul and loving one's neighbor as they love themselves, and -also- by selling EVERYTHING that he owns and giving it to the poor. Now I didn't sell everything, but that scripture kept pushing it's way into my mind. I realized at that moment, and even now when I think about it, that although I am saddened that much was lost that it is all material. Even my little Bible is material - though the Word inside of it is so much more than that.
All that I kept saying to the several-people-that-I-spoke-with was "It's okay, it's not your fault. The only thing that really matters at all to me is the Bible, but if someone else needs it more than me then that is fine." I am realizing more and more that our material lives matter less and less.
I really thought that money, power, striving for being at the top, searching for whatever I was destined to do, involving myself in as much as possible, telling my "sad" story (but not the REAL story of the truest love), and so on was my life, but it is not. My life is not mine, it never has been. I had "glimmers" of this all throughout my life, but not pure realization. What fascinates me entirely, is that I am so, so, so imperfect. I've made so many terrible decisions that have led me down a path of self-destruction, depression, etc and yet....I hear so, so strongly "I love you. I AM here. Come and rest at my feet. Do not be afraid."
More to come....
The True Path is Faith.